Meet Theo

The Truth Is

I'm going to tell you a little secret -- something I'm sure no parent has ever uttered before: our son is extraordinary. He is tender, perceptive, agile, attuned, empathetic, kinetic, deeply centered, profoundly passionate, strong, ravenous, balanced and delicious.

Theo knows where everything in the house belongs, is troubled when stuff is out of order and loves to put things in their place. He is 30.5 pounds and wants to be held constantly. It occurred to me this week that his primary interest in being in-arms is the visual field it allows him. Theo wants to be tall. Badly. He wants to see what the grown-ups are seeing and touch what they are touching. He is certain he belongs in this world and understands that establishing his place will involve holding every piece of forbidden technology that is kept out of his reach.

Theo has extrapolated the sniff-along invitation from the Pat the Bunny flower page to sniffing every flower image in every book, article of clothing and lampshade. Curious George is his greatest curiosity. We read and reread the brief Opposites board book as the images imprint my son with the joy of belonging -- recognizing something in a story that is now a part of him -- that books have always offered me.

Somewhere along the line, Theo figured that making out with my arm while I change his diaper is a viable alternative to screaming -- I'm all for it. In fact, he will often interrupt a ritualized activity such as reading a book or eating a meal by silencing his face into a profoundly compassionate come-hither invitation that is punctuated by an earnest kiss and hug.

Theo likes food. A lot. He'll eat a few eggs, a respectable portion of my oatmeal, most of an apple and a big cup of milk for breakfast. And he's learned that throwing food over the side of his high-chair tray to Henry lurking below is nearly as satisfying as eating it himself. Henry wasn't at all sure about sharing the limelight until he became the primary recipient of Theo's generosity. I'd say that at this point, Henry would sign the permission slip granting Theo rights to be a part of our family.  

Anyone who knows Jon even peripherally will not be surprised to know that Theo may be the youngest U2 groupie, gyrating to the beat at our regular dance parties for three. One of his recent variations is walking backwards while fake-snapping. This boy is all about moving through space and experimenting with what is possible.

And let's face it. This kid is adorable. Just seeing his smiling, rosy-cheeked, ready-for-the-day face in the morning has brought tears to my eyes. Which brings me to the next and final teary topic of this post: sleep. At 15 months -- on the heels of more than a year of soul-chafing exhaustion and depletion for his parents -- Theo has become a champion sleeper. He goes to bed promptly at 6 p.m. -- yes, you heard me right (it's his choice, not ours) -- and wakes up at 7:30 a.m. I knew intellectually that someday, somehow, it would happen. But I still don't quite believe it. And now, completely rewired from sleeping through fire alarms to the hair-trigger nervous system of a new mother, I'm trying to figure out how Mommy is going to learn to sleep through the night again. All things in their time.

The truth is, I feel gaudy with blessings. This unfathomably radiant child has chosen us as his parents. He seems quite satisfied with his choice. And Jon and I, infused with the righteous responsibilities of family life, are learning to better care for ourselves, each other, and the collective of our three-person, five-fuzzy family. We are happy. We are grateful. We have rhythm and flow. We have Netflix and Bono and morning walks together and late-nights of talking under the thick, warm covers as one or the other of us is transitioning in or out of sleep.

Theo's presence in my life may be the closest to God that I've ever been. Motherhood demands more of me than I knew I had and gives more to me than I believed possible to receive. The small rituals of our ordinary days: holy. This letter to you my prayer.

15 months of Theo

Our son is 15 months old today. My love for him is tidal -- a force of nature that at times overtakes me in a thunder of salt and spray; and at other times laps quietly at my feet. The story of Theo unfolds frame-by-frame, day-by-day. Each discovery (how to eat an apple), each triumph (climbing onto a chair and standing on it while banging puzzle pieces on the wall) a fresh miracle of never-done-before. To be so new and undiscovered. To be so becoming...

I cherish the slow unfolding of temperament, spirit and preference as our son claims his place in our world. Every day, we know each other better. The laughs and kisses become more resonant, the board book stories more familiar. The games and exchanges more complex.

I am grateful beyond words that Theo delights in our animal friends as we do. He has mastered "gentle" and "snuggle" as well as enthusiastically sharing his meals with the hovering dogs. What more could a fuzzy friend hope for in a person -- food and love!

Because "Kitty" was Theo's first word, and every word spoken since seems to be some variation on this feline theme -- and because our adult kitties are terrified of the passionate advances of their youngest brother, we welcomed our newest (fuzzy) baby to the family shortly after Theo turned one.

Snow Pea (affectionately known as "Kitty Do") was found by a friend of a friend abandoned in a tree. We met her; we fell in love; we brought her home. And thus began a profound love affair of two fresh, new spirits entranced by splash, bounce, skitter and sound -- but most importantly, each other.

A shared sense of adventure and a willingness to be squished, chased and bonked in the dance of love  has marked this new friendship.

When I read to Theo, Snow Pea sits on my shoulder or shares my lap with Theo. He carefully lowers his head to hers, mouth open, for a passionate embrace; limp as a love noodle, she takes it all in. He entertains her with toys, carries her (remarkably well) and shrieks with pleasure to be in her company.

We are grateful that Theo's Kitty Quest has been fulfilled by such a loving friend.

Both youngsters remind me daily that what may be familiar to us is in fact a great mystery and adventure.

Thus is the dance of family. Every day, a new wave of unknowns rippling through the foundation of familiar routine rhythms and rituals. Fifteen months of surprises, soul-aching sweetness and the most extraordinary fun in the tub.

 

Celebrating 13 months with Daddy

 

Cat and Mouse

Running to Stand Still from Jonathan Luchs on Vimeo.

Ithaca, NY with the Luchs-Robertson clan

In mid August, Jon, Theo and I flew to Ithaca, NY for a nine-day camping (in cabins) extravaganza with the Luchs-Robertson clan! Ithaca is Jon's chosen homeland and it was very special to be there with three generations of family in a relaxed and beautiful setting. With the exception of Grandma Sue, Uncle Marc and Uncle Michael, Theo was meeting his extended family for the first time. (In fact, I was meeting a few folks for the first time, too.)

As Theo dined in his high chair (generously schlepped and lent to him by Grandma Sue) he held court here with cousins Andrew and Mattie and Aunt Ivonne.

Grandma Sue brought an entire toy playground for the kids, complete with tarp, for which Jon and I were especially grateful! When Theo was at play, this gave us a break from chasing him through the mud and prying handfuls of gravel from his fists and mouth.

Eating, playing on the tarp and crawling through the mud were all punctuated with pit stops at temporary standing stations for impromptu social visits. 

This scene was being filmed / photographed by Michael, Jon and Marc -- a panoramic media moment!

Ethan! What a face!

 

The last time we saw Mattie, Andrew and Ethan was Christmas 2007. A lot changes in a year and a half! It was so much fun to experience these grown-up boys and to witness and share in their sense of play, their kindness to each other and their cousins, and their engaging curiosity, intelligence and creativity. I study other parents very carefully to figure out what raising boys is all about...and Michael and Ivonne are two of my parenting heroes. It was great to have an opportunity to listen to and learn from them -- and their lovely boys.

The men of my heart. Backlit in gorgeous gorge.

How does one sum up the phenomenon that is Sarah Luchs? What comes to mind is a line from a song in Mary Poppins: "...How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?" Sarah is a seeker (and a finder), a keeper of family wisdom, a gatherer and masterful teller of stories...both wise and hilarious...with a bad-ass baseball streak that wowed her cousins large and small. And, I have come to understand that she is also a fabulous poet, as well. We're still marveling at our good fortune to have spent a week with her after a 20-year or so hiatus.

 

Theo, of course, was duly delighted...

Here are Cousin David and Uncle Marc chillin' by the campfire. These two masterful storytellers do justice to the campfire tradition, offering humor and wisdom that nourished and delighted us all...

Uncle Michael and Cousin David...Hard to believe there are so many good looking Luchs men in one family!

I was meeting David for the first time on this trip...and was quite moved by his maturity and sophistication. I don't think I've ever experienced a teenager with such depth of knowledge and insight on so many topics. His self awareness -- and ability to articulate it -- have blown open my sense of what is possible for young people. All that, and a sense of humor, too! Here's hoping we get to visit with the rest of his family the next time around...

I have been eagerly awaiting the opportunity to meet Cousin Christina and Aunt Martha, wise and gracious women of the Robertson clan. What a pleasure to be in their company -- blessed with the wealth of their mothering (and grandmothering) knowledge and care. And yet again...stories, stories, and wonderful stories. Are you noticing a theme here?

Christina gave Theo a stuffed, wool kitty that she knit for him...it has been possibly the single most important object in his life to date. Through his love of that kitty, Theo learned his most passionate past time: SNUGGLE! And on the precipice of turning one year old, he learned his very first word: KITTY. And now every other word he says seems to be some kind of variation on the feline theme.

With no hot running water in proximity and little guy on all fours in a muddy campground, we had one exceptionally dirty baby. So we improvised. Jon heated up water on the fire and made a bath for Theo in an old family cooler that has endured from his own childhood.

Theo the lush!

It was quite poetic to watch the cousins of all ages find new interpretations for and applications of toys they'd been playing with their whole lives. In fact, Theo played with a homemade toy that Grandma Sue first made for David, who is now 15.

Look at this veritable feast of Luchs boys at play!

Theo and Mattie had a special connection. Mattie helped Theo walk, play and eat. He was kind and gentle and attentive to his little cousin, who, in turn, studied his bigger cousin with great respect and admiration.

Back to the innovative bathing solution...

The paparazzi discover Theo in the "tub."

R & R with the fam...

Mud meets tantrum.

This gives you a sense of the quality and quantity of full-body dirt Theo befriended at his very first campground.

I'm a sucker for tantrum face.

Poor, dirty baby!

I love this photo of the three Robertson sisters: Susan, Martha and Ann. There was a lot of laughter as this series of photos was taken. I think it captures their essence: loving, kind, and full of humor -- and care for each other.

Andrew does something totally impressive in the water, as witnessed by Cousin Bea. Look at that form and focus!

I love this idyllic photo of Auntie Ann and Bea, with cousins in various states of adventure around and behind them.

Michael, Ivonne, Bea and Auntie Ann witness the gorge from the rocks.

Christina and Bea...a gorgeous mother-daughter shot as the sun sets on our visit.

 

On our last day together, Theo took 16 steps in a row, as witnessed by Aunt Ivonne and the boys. This was his first, real venture into the bipedal realm. We're convinced that it was his many cousin role models that took Theo forward into this next chapter of action and discovery. Thanks, all, for cheering Theo on into his toddling days...

And finally, I want to thank Jon for so faithfully taking such beautiful photos. He is continuing the fine Luchs tradition of documenting his family in images.

We are grateful to have this record of our time together. And we look forward to many more adventures with our east coast family...maybe with a little less gravel and a little more hot, running water next time!

One glorious year of Theo Robertson Luchs-Cohen

Writing is how I live. Experience gets digested through the lens of language and retold in the storymaking that eventually comes to comprise memory. I chew. I simmer. I write. And this is how I make sense of my life and my world.

This past year has been an exception.

Life with an infant happens in the present tense. There is almost no time and even less energy to reflect. Instead, each moment is a kinetic thrill of relating, witnessing, tending, feeding, supervising, encouraging, tushie-wiping, and marveling at the extraordinary life force that is our son.

To have a moment at my computer to commune with you, our beloved community, about the incredible wealth of our life as a family is a rare and delicious treat. And so it is that I sit down today, the day after Theo's very first birthday, so full of love and gratitude that it feels like my skin is splitting with the ripeness of this moment.

I remember standing, swollen and sweaty, in the doorway to Theo's room the week before he was born. Jon was in our bedroom, just across the hall. I took in the cozy, friendly-feeling room we had outfitted and decorated with care to receive a person I had never met, whose spirit I could not even begin to imagine.

"Can you comprehend that a PERSON is coming to live in this room?" I asked Jon.

"Not in the slightest," he replied. Which was exactly how I felt.

There is simply no way to prepare oneself for the arrival of a child, no matter how much you've read, observed, asked, intended, organized or planned.

And at first it seems nearly impossible to recognize someone you've spent nearly two decades yearning for. Someone who has been sharing your body, living your love and your fear and your pain and your delight. Sleeping your sleep. Breathing the breath of your nourishing blood and being as, one cell at a time, he coalesces from the agreement that in some other dimension you've all made. A person who is as possible and impossible as your own elusive reflection.

From nothing to everything, Theo arrived! His little body on mine was both an exquisite belonging and a portal into no-woman's-land where every unprecedented moment stretched us to new heights of creativity, endurance and surrender.

There was no way to comprehend how exhausted or euphoric I'd be. There was no way to get through each day except by putting one foot in front of the other. Doing what needed to be done. Saying YES to all of it. And THANK YOU for every raw, intimate, unadorned, bleary moment of life as a mother.

One of the great blessings of this chapter of early familyhood is the flexibility Jon and I have had with our work and school lives. Working from home with a fluid schedule, I have been able to seamlessly nurse and visit with Theo throughout the day (while he's in the care of our magnificent nanny Savannah). And Jon's school schedule (thanks to his creative and resourceful planning) has allowed him to be extremely engaged in Theo's care, my sleep catch-up and the dogs' morning walks.

Plus, with Jon's support, I have been able to spend a few evenings a month teaching, lecturing and generally getting out there to promote my new book (which I fondly refer to as Theo's multimedia twin; thank goodness THAT baby sleeps through the night!) I was even able to make it to the Oregon coast for an overnight by myself for one such event in June and to the San Francisco Bay Area for a weekend in late July.

As our lives together take root and the tendrils of our spirits entwine, the dance of deepening runs in parallel to Theo's daily adventures which take him incrementally further into the stream of his own story.

And though the story of Theo's first year is less in the telling and more in the being, I've spent this past week retracing the hours (ok--days) and events that precipitated our son's arrival -- and the sequence of months since then that have unfolded like a landscape in a long and relentless road trip to the foreign land and incomprehensible road signs of new parenthood. Most of all, I've been appreciating the panoramic views and daily graces of where we stand today.

Our son claps, dances, walks and proclaims everything he loves to be "kitty." He climbs, crouches, throws balls and hugs everything, including (most amusingly) the bathwater. He flirts with strangers, eats anything and everything that is presented to him, is passionately attached to his blankey and has learned to translate "GENTLE!" to tenderly pet his fuzzy siblings.

It is Theo's cosmology of intelligence, curiosity, adventure, humor, even-temper and immutable sweetness that shines its headlights into the dark now and shows us the way forward. 

These days, I am particularly grateful for the foundation of love on which my life and Jon's have been built -- by parents whose care, patience, generosity, faith in our capacities and celebration of our beings have funded the best possible inheritance for our son as we pass these treasures on to him.

The family net that holds our son is woven far and wide, with beloveds both in the neighborhood and all over the world. Theo is comforted and intrigued by his big boy cousins whom he studies with an intensity that suggests he's cataloging the repertoire of "boy" which he'll be rehearsing in their company over the years. He has been blessed to spend time with all of his grandparents and most of his uncles, aunts and cousins -- as well as an extensive community of beloved friends -- throughout the year.

Our son is a child wealthy with love, community, health and happiness. I don't know the words that are big enough, inclusive enough, expressive enough to offer thanks for dear Theo, for your presence in our lives, for the incredible bounty we have been given

Hunting and Gathering

Hunting and Gathering from Jonathan Luchs on Vimeo.

11 months of Theo

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ten months of Theo

Theo is ten and a half months old. Literary boy that he is, our son has pronounced this month's thesis statement to be: Action brings my world to me. His support points: standing (balanced), staggering (in reach of support props such as his parents), climbing (over, around, under everything), eating (adult-size portions; more watermelon please, or I'm going to scream!) and illuminating all babyproofing oversights with a lightning-like grasp-and-swoop-into-the-mouth of the most auspicious flotsam and jetsam. His conclusion: life is a feast; I'll bring the bib.

In other happy news, our dear son has started sleeping through the night, which means his poor, confused mother may soon be emerging into the light of the human once again!

We hope you're staying cool out there and enjoying your summer! Come and visit some time, won't you?

Theo's first east coast tour

On June 18, the day after Theo's nine-month birthday, mother and son hit the road for an east coast visiting extravaganza. With a carry-on suitcase packed completely wrong for maneuvering in an airplane seat while wearing a baby, we set out on our great adventure. As Jon was homeramping up for his finals week, Theo and I floated across the country toward our first stop: Grandma Bobbi and Papa Kevey. Aren't they adorable?

We had a glorious time steeping in the natural paradise of their home and grounds, which both Theo and I were experiencing for the first time. We saw some beautiful beaches and scenery, ate some fabulous meals, and Theo spent some quality time watching Saturday Night Life with PapaKevey while Grandma Bobbi and I were out at a movie! 

Next stop: Zeda Bryan (that means "grandpa" in Yiddish; he's pictured later), who was meeting his grandson for the first time! It was love at first sight for those two. We spent a few days relaxing, eating, and admiring Theo's antics, including his persistent andirresistible flirting with pretty much everyone we came into contact with.

Next, we headed to see Tanta Marielle with her sweet sixteen-day-old daughter Bryn (who is discreetly tucked away in the sling over Marielle's belly in the photo below) and cousins Jack and Shane. What a thrill it was to meet the perfect, petite little beauty of a being, and to spend time with her adoring, so-grown-up big brothers. Sadly, we didn't get to see Dada (Matt) who was at work.

Theo covered a lot of ground at the playground, racing on all fours toward each group of kids, which led to his first scrape. We spent some time drumming on the bottom of the slide. And of course he did his requisite pulling up on everything stable and not-so-stable.

Next day: Jayne and Craig's house, where we enjoyed a boy-fest with Jayne's three sons Ravi, Lee and Cary, Marielle and her two boys (and the sleeping, snugly Bryn), Robin and her older son Ben. My mom stopped by, and so did Jayne's brother Ross, who was one day on the other side of his medical school residency.Sadly, Marci and her girls could not be with us, as Hannah was sick.

Throughout the course of the day, I got a snapshot of days-to-come with the nonstop action of BOY-DOM. This photo is representative of the blur of motion that was our day until Theo and I, completely delighted and overstimulated, fell asleep together on the couch. (This is Craig trying to contain the wildfires of Cary and Theo!) I regret not taking more photos of our time together...I must have been too busy visiting, eating, and admiring so many beautiful children.

While we were in New Jersey, Theo and I stayed with the Brandies family. Robin, Alan, Benjamin and Max welcomed us into their baby-wonderland home where Theo and I felt very much at home and very well cared for. Theo enjoyed sampling an entirely new universe of toys and gave each one a good chew.

But more importantly, he made his first baby friend: Max. Max is six weeks older than Theo and full of chutzpah. When Theo first met him, he hit Max in the face and pulled his hair--friendly, exploratory violence. Then Max yanked a few toys out of Theo's hands--the acquired skill of a younger brother who must defend his turf. Initiated into the realm of friendship with a few tears, the two eventually figured out that following each other around and playing with the same stuff was pretty cool. This series of photos shows the dynamic duo in action. As you can see, they're considering here a break-out of baby gate jail.

This photo just melts my heart. Look at those sweet little noggins so earnestly pressed together.

I just love this photo of Robin and Ben. I last saw Ben when he was a few months old; he's blossomed into a beautiful, kind, compassionate little person who offers his brother Cheerios, snuggles enthusiastically with his mommy, knows exactly what he wants and how to ask for it. I now have the sound of his new voice and words chiming in my ears from all these miles away.

And Alan, dear Alan. Accomplice to and initiator of many acts of kind generosity. Here he is hugging Theo on the floor.

And here's Uncle Alan with Cousin Max.

Check out the intensity of these boys discovering a toy together.

While in New Jersey, I had a very special event which I regret not photographing. My east-coast book tour consisted of a single reading at theMarlton , NJ Barnes & Noble. The event was basically a friends and family reunion, attended by my dearest of friends, their families and my beloved teacher Mr. Carr. Marci and Ben andMalini traveled from quite a distance to be with us. I was grateful and honored. It was sort of like a bat mitzvah or wedding, without the food and fanfare, vows and torah portion. It was just fun. I felt so loved and supported. And I laughed so loud, for so long, in the coffee shop section of the bookstoreafterward that I thought they might ask me to leave. 

This brings us to the last leg of our trip -- a drive with Zeda Bryan to Aunt Linda's and Uncle John's home at Bethany Beach where we visited with my mom and Kevin, cousins Shari and Tom and their daughters Lara and Cole, and cousins Daniel and Ellen, and their kids Joe and Anya. Anya is five days younger than Theo, and those cheeks and curls are just delicious. The babies did much parallel play...

Look at that precious face!

Lara was quite excited about her second-cousin supervisory role of Theo. She encouraged him to walk, supervised his play, and helped him with hisbinkie.

We spent some leisurely time on the porch enjoying the extraordinary view while Theo got passed around to his beloveds. Here he is with Grandma Bobbi.

Cole started weaving her tote bag while explaining to me everything I'll ever need to know about geology.

And here's Zeda Bryan, snuggling his newest grandson! The two really resemble each other; I didn't understand that until seeing them together. Plus, Theo has inherited from his zeda a head size of stratospheric scale and an appetite to match!

Cousin Joe thought it was really cool to sit in a bucket, and Theo thought it was really cool to shake his pink shaker.

Lara helped her cousins be cool.

Are those faces beautiful, or what?

What a pleasure to get time to catch up with cousin / Uncle / Doctor Daniel. Now that I am a mom, it's especially fun to pepper him with my various baby questions, as he's a gifted pediatrician.Thanks to our early-rising children, we took a leisurely 6:30 a.m. stroll to the beach together with Aunt Linda and our kiddos. Being outside in the cool beauty of morning together was one of the highlights of this visit.

And here's Aunt Linda with Joe. They're making each other giggle, as usual! I've heard so much about her relationship with Joe and it was a treat to finally see the two in action!

John, dear Uncle John. To give you a sense of his place in the hearts of our family, he wears a beaded necklace that Cole made for him celebrating their relationship as well as John's various interests. When I asked Joe what his favorite game is, he answered back in a dramatic stage whisper, eyes wide with sincerity, "Grandpa John."

Theo explores the toy bucket.

Theo took a special liking to Aunt Shari, who was extremely helpful in playing with and supervising him when I needed a few minutes to myself. It's always a treat to get in-person time with Shari, though the kiddie chaos made it a little harder than usual to carry on an adult conversation amidst the play!

Shari helps Theo with his bucket!

Lara helps Shari help Theo!

What a whirlwind adventure it was visiting with so many special family and friends! I learned a great deal about how not to travel with a baby cross-country and came home more exhausted than I was after three days of labor--but on far fewer drugs!

Theo and I are settling back into life at home as we adapt to our time zone and sleep cycles in the comfort of our own beds once again. As a working mother, I feel incredibly privileged to have had 12 days of around-the-clock Theo time. It was such a pleasure to discover nuances of his personality and temperament through the many different situations, challenges and delights we experienced along the way. I have such a deep respect for this little radiant being who is my son. His physical and social grace, his hunger for knowing his world through touch and taste, his quick humor and illuminating smile are the most precious of gifts. I marvel at his evolution from infant intopersonhood. And I'm grieving a bit being back at my desk while he plays downstairs with Savannah.

We're missing you all already and can't wait to be with you again--hopefully on our turf, next time! Come one, come all to the paradise that is Portland. We love you.

Aloha,

Sage and Theo