Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Computer

The Universe and I agreed that it was time for cosmic clean-up in SageLand. I tied up the loose ends of a few relationships that were subtly unraveling the integrity of my life fabric. I scoured the surfaces and depths of everything I could find; then in a continuation of my kill-the-closet fervor, I purged and organized until every cavity of my space was singing with visibility and certainty of purpose. Only, this time the fuel behind my fervor was not anger but death. Someone I had been for a very long time was dying. And some version of me I have been preparing for since age 18 had materialized in my foyer, waiting for me to roll out the red carpet she so very much deserved. The cocoon of my house was unweaving for my emergence, and I needed to clear the decks.

Friends, I am honored and thrilled to report that Sage-Unhappy-In-Love has retired her number. Today, I find myself in an entirely new ballpark. I'd like to say that it's been a smooth landing, but in my experience, that's not how sudden and radical identity transformations work. Rather, everything falls completely apart so it can find its rightful place in the new world order. And in this instance, my computer was no exception. As the perfect-pitch operatic frequency shatters glass, this new charge of right-living sent my computer -- practically an appendage at this point -- to computer heaven. Ok, I confess. I killed it. Not on purpose, of course. But due to a sequence of trying-to-fix-a-smallish-problem mishaps, its directory was destroyed nonetheless. Six days later, I have a born-again computer that's been restored to its factory settings, its reliable little computer mind wiped clean of fifteen years of my data storage burdens.This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I embraced my cosmic clean-up project.  And I am certainly not happy about what has been lost forever: all calendar and contact info from my Palm (that's right, if you don't email or call me, I no longer know how to reach you!), all of my music and photos, financial records, an entire email archive history, and probably much more that I will discover as I start computing again. Yet, there is a kind of spaciousness in these losses. A clearing of the decks for whatever is meant to enter next.

Today, my computer and I face the blank page of my future together. There is no trail of crumbs to what led us here; only the eternal sunshine of the spotless now.

 

Comments

[Mari]

Another lesson in attachment, yes?

Happy deck cleaning, Sage!

[Mari]

That should have been deck CLEARing...

[Christina Katz]

Love it.

You are handling it so well. I think I would be much more bitter.

About the crash...I mean.

Could you make me get a new back up drive, please.

Seriously, if I don't have one when we lunch next week, drag me to the Mac store.

Thanks! I'm asking for it.

[Andre L. West]

The Dream Quest One Poetry & Writing Contest is open to everyone! This competition welcomes anyone who loves to arrange words into beautiful art or to write a short story that is worth telling. And to all who have the ability to dream. Write a poem or short story for a chance to win cash prizes. All works must be original. http://www.dreamquestone.com
Guidelines:
Write a poem, thirty lines or fewer on any subject, style, or form, typed or neatly hand printed.
And/or write a short story, five pages maximum length, on any subject or theme, creative writing fiction or non-fiction (including essay compositions, diary, journal entries and screenwriting). Also, must be typed or neatly hand printed.
Multiple poetry and short story entries are accepted.
Deadline: July 31, 2008
All winners will be announced on August 31, 2008
Prizes:
Writing Contest First Prize is $500. Second Prize: $250. Third Prize: $100.
Poetry Contest First Prize is $250. Second Prize: $125. Third Prize: $50.
Entry fees:
Writing Contest entry fee: $10 per short story submitted.
Poetry Contest entry fee: $5 per poem.
To send entries: Include title(s) with your story (ies) or poem(s), along with your name, address, phone#, email, brief biographical info. (Tell us a little about yourself), on the coversheet. Add a self-addressed stamped envelope for entry confirmation. Mail entries/fees payable to: “Dreamquestone.Com”
Dream Quest One
Poetry & Writing Contest
P.O. Box 3141
Chicago, IL 60654
Visit http://www.dreamquestone.com for further details or to enter!

No one who achieves success does so without acknowledging the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude. “And remember, in whatever you do, it’s okay to dream, for dreams do come true.” –Dream Quest One